Two and a Half Men: Season 1

Episodes

# Air Date Title
1 Sep 22
2003

Pilot (Most Chicks Won't Eat Veal)

Charlie’s life turns upside down when his brother and nephew move in; at the supermarket, Charlie discovers he can use 10-year-old Jake to attract women.

2 Sep 29
2003

Big Flappy Bastards

While spending time with Jake, Charlie finds it hard to enforce rules that Alan has set out for him. It gets to the point were Jake lures a flock of sea gulls into his room, a…

3 Oct 06
2003

Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

After spending a day at Disneyland, Jake gets sick and wants to go to his mothers’ house, to have her take care of him. This sends Alan into a state of misery, as he rea…

4 Oct 13
2003

If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

Charlie is very unhappy with his housekeepers’ decision to quit, after she experiences Alan’s demanding ways. Alan then offers to take on the role of housekeeper, b…

5 Oct 20
2003

The Last Thing You Want to Do Is Wind Up with a Hump

After spending a night in Las Vegas, Charlie decides to live up to his promise that he made to Jake about attending his soccer game. During the game, Charlie sets up a play-da…

6 Oct 27
2003

Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

Charlie tries to teach Jake to avoid certain calls that Charlie doesn’t want to deal with, like his mother (Evelyn) for one. Evelyn gets so frustrated with not being abl…

7 Nov 03
2003

If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

Judith gets worried when, for a school assignment, Jake draws the tattooed buttocks of a female surfer friend of Charlie’s who is in the habit of walking around his place…

8 Nov 10
2003

Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snootful

Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school’s annual music show.

9 Nov 17
2003

Phase One, Complete

After meeting Wendy, a one-night stand of Charlies, Jake befriends her. Charlie doesn’t like this situation, as he believes Wendy is using Jake to further their relation…

10 Nov 24
2003

Merry Thanksgiving

In an attempt to prove that he is a family man, Charlie invites Lisa over for Thanksgiving dinner

11 Dec 15
2003

Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

While at the movies, the brothers bump into Judith and her new boyfriend. Seeing that Judith has changed her look, and the fact that Jake doesn’t think Alan is as cool a…

12 Jan 05
2004

Camel Filters + Pheromones

When Berta is forced to bring her granddaughter Prudence to work with her, the boys find themselves a little preoccupied with her.

13 Jan 13
2004

Sarah Like Puny Alan

Charlie finally gets a chance for a double date with a hot neighbor, who is out for revenge on her cheating husband, and her sister who’s a hot soap opera actress, and ne…

14 Feb 02
2004

I Can't Afford Hyenas

Stan, Charlie’s accountant, tries to explain Charlie’s financial woes to him.

15 Feb 09
2004

Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

Against Alan’s judgment, Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Frankie.

16 Feb 16
2004

That Was Saliva, Alan

Frankie tells Charlie and Alan why she and her daughter are on the run; Frankie’s daughter has a crush on Jake.

17 Feb 23
2004

Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats

Alan offends Charlie by choosing harebrained cousins as Jake’s guardians in the event of his death.

18 Mar 01
2004

An Old Flame With a New Wick

Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man (Chris O’Donnell).

19 Mar 22
2004

I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

Judith’s sister, Liz (guest star Teri Hatcher), hits on Alan at Jake’s birthday party; Evelyn prefers alcohol to cake.

20 Apr 19
2004

Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

Judith believes that Jake is having a hard time dealing with his parent’s divorce, after he starts annoying everyone with his non-stop guitar playing. So she suggests tha…

21 May 03
2004

No Sniffing, No Wowing

Charlie jeopardizes Alan’s divorce settlement by sleeping with his attorney, Laura.

22 May 10
2004

My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet

Charlie attempts to cure Alan of his recent bout of sleepwalking; Jake sees his therapist.

23 May 17
2004

Just Like Buffalo

Charlie tries to sweet talk Judith’s divorcee support-group into letting Jake continue to spend weekends at his place.

24 May 24
2004

Can You Feel My Finger?

A pregnancy scare has Charlie heading to the doctor for a vasectomy.

About Two and a Half Men

Charlie is a well-to-do bachelor with a house at the beach, a Jaguar in the front, and an easy way with women. His casual Malibu lifestyle is interrupted when his tightly wound brother Alan, who’s facing a divorce, and his son Jake, come to live with him. Together, these two and a half men confront the challenges of growing up; finally. Complicating matters are the brothers’ self-obsessed, controlling mother, Evelyn, Alan’s estranged wife, Judith and Charlie’s crazy neighbor Rose, who wants to be a part of his life and is willing to do anything to be around. After the death of his brother, Alan Harper meets and befriends a lonely young man named Walden Schmidt who turns out to be a billionaire. Unable to afford his brother’s home, Alan sells Walden the house, and as a way of showing his gratitude, Walden allows Alan and his son Jake to move in with him.

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